5 Signs Your Book Relationship is Going Nowhere

We've all been there.  Happily reading along when suddenly you turn the page and... That cursed white page at the end of the book stares back at you, daring you to pull out your lemons and hairdryers to see if the writer wrote a secret message or another page to the book (Disclaimer: there's never a secret message, and it would be book torture to force your book to go through that in the hopes that your dreams would come true, so please put the lemon down).


If it's the end of the series, it's even worse, because that boy or girl you've been majorly crushing on throughout the book is at an end.  And, to make matters worse, they will never be placed in a new situation again (Unless, of course, you read fanfiction).  Now, you can go back and reread all their scenes until your eyes bleed, but there are some clear signs that your book relationship is doomed to failure:

1. Your book crush will one day be younger than you.  Like, a lot younger.  Extremely younger.  If you're lucky enough to live to 100, that man or woman of your dreams is still going to be 18 or 25 or 39 (Those aren't the only ages, just examples, you overzealous readers).  Anyway, while the relationship is sure to be great and all for awhile (Can we say summer romance?) there is no way you can prevent the aging process long enough to be with them for eternity.  Unless, of course, you're Peter Pan, but if you were Peter Pan you couldn't love someone anyway.  Then there's the whole vampire thing, and if you happen to know a vampire please let me know.  I will apologize to them from a very long distance.
2. You'd have to fight the main character for them.  Okay, so I could totally take some of those girls down if I do say so myself, but it seems a little unfair to bring them into this.  I mean, they don't know that an entire fandom is drooling over their love interest.  It's not their fault the author made them so dreamy.  However, every time their relationship cracks, we all secretly giggle in glee that our guy or girl is suddenly back on the market (although, at the same time we expect them to get back together to stop the whining going on through the next few chapters).  And honestly, after all the time and effort we put into shipping them together, it would seem wasteful to suddenly take them apart.
3. He/She never comes up with new conversation starters.  Let's be honest.  You can only live off the written dialogue so long before you start to get annoyed.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can recite poetry, but can't you change it up?  And dude, try to come up with new situations to say I love you.  It's like they're living in their own fantasy world...  Well.  It's like you're having a one-sided relationship, where you're putting in way too much effort. Honestly, sometimes you have to know when to throw in the towel.
4. You have to drag them everywhere. Yeah, so they'll meet in the bookstore for shelf dates without you asking, but otherwise it's like you're constantly lugging them everywhere.  Their extra baggage makes your purse or bag heavy, and they never once offer to help you with that.  Seriously, it's like they've never heard of manners.  It'd be nice if they'd get the check or explain the weird looks you get from waiters, but they're sorely lacking in that type of dialogue.  They're like that needy date that forces you to do it all.  Annnnnnnd...
5. Despite the growing acceptance across the country, it is still illegal to marry a fictional character in all 50 states.  And honestly, if this relationship isn't going anywhere, why even bother?  Yeah, summer flings are great, but when they stick around through fall and winter without offering any commitment whatsoever, and when you KNOW they're off with other girls and guys all the time, is it really worth it?  The answer is no, but it's going to take my heart some time to come around to it.

So, yeah.  Fictional Relationships, not so great.  It won't stop me from loving them, but maybe I'll be able to keep my distance in the future.  Or... you know, I could start the relationship anyway because I know one day someone will create a machine to bring them to life, and when that day comes, I'll be ready.


But he's mine, so you should really move on.

All Fall Down: Book Coma Edition

So... I finished Ally Carter's book All Fall Down yesterday.  She's one of my favorite authors, and this first book in her new series did not disappoint.  But I can't really write a review about it right now, because I have yet to come out of my book coma. 


A book coma is when you finish a book and your brain can't stop thinking about it and suddenly you realize you are physically incapable of starting a new book or moving on from this one because it was TOO MUCH for your brain to handle.  Then you start spiraling, realizing that you have no clue what to say about it because you honestly haven't been able to process the emotions you feel yet, and the next thing you know it's been a week and you CAN'T MOVE ON...


This happened last when I finished Allegiant.  Everyone who's read that book knows what I'm talking about because SERIOUSLY I WAS EMOTIONALLY SCARRED FOR SO LONG.  I didn't even realize how messed up I was until I finished another long-time series and was expecting everyone to die at the end.  Seriously, there were tears for weeks.  I wish I were joking.


So to prevent any type of emotional breakdown, I'll just post this as my review:


................................................................................................................... {;_;}
Give me the next book now, please.




There. Now we can all move on.




Good luck with all the book comas out there, and I'll let y'all know when I'm ready to move on.

Demon Salt, Horrible Metaphors, and Beautiful Puns

Happy Punday Sunday Everyone! {^_^}


So I'm well aware that most people don't appreciate puns the same way I do, but that's never stopped me from sharing them before.  And it most definitely won't stop me now.


Here's some very poorly done puns since I still can't get pictures to show up on my blog:


"I don't trust stairs.  They're always up to something."
"My friend's baker burnt down last night.  Now his business is toast."
And one more...
"The man who fell into the upholstery machine is fully recovered."


And that's all for this week.  Thanks for making it through that with me.




Sooooo... Now that puns are out of the way, we can start with books.


A few weeks ago, I read a book called Firefight by Brandon Sanderson, which is the sequel to Steelheart.  This series is basically wonderful, since it's about people who suddenly got superpowers because of Calamity, a "red star" in the sky.  They, of course, let corruption go to their heads and take over the world, and this series is about a boy named David, who tries to join the Reckoners in getting rid of all of the evil people in the world.  The full synopsis can be found here: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/steelheart-brandon-sanderson/1114016095?ean=9780385743570


Anyway, the book itself is wonderful, but one of my favorite parts is David's character himself.  The author, by some brilliant decision of fate, has blessed David with the inability to make metaphors.  And dude, those horrible metaphors make me crack up and stop reading to appreciate them.


For example, from Firefight:

• "It was like one lumberjack had eaten another lumberjack, and their powers had combines to form one really fate lumberjack."
• "'You're like a potato!' I shouted after her. 'In a minefield.'" [while trying to talk to the girl he likes]

Anyway, maybe you have to read them in context (And yes, I'm aware these are similes.  But that's part of how horrible he is).  Just trust me, his metaphors are hilarious.  They're almost good enough that even if the book sucked, I'd recommend it.  Luckily, the book does not suck.  It's quite good, and I recommend the series to anyone who likes dystopia-without-dystopian-whining and evil superheroes.




Which leads us to the last part: salt.  I just finished Danielle Ellison's book Salt, the first in the series, and it was pretty good.  It's about a girl who belongs to a family of witches in a world where witches fight off demons.  Only, Penelope had her essence (basically, an important part of her soul and the part that gives her powers) sucked out when she was nine, so she can't do powers unless she's around a member of her family.  This book is basically about her figuring out the Why while also trying to get a job as an Enforcer in the witch community (an Enforcer is one who fights demons and sends them to hell).


What y'all really need to understand is I LOVE well-crafted books about demons.  They're one of my favorite things.  This one had an interesting premise while also bringing in witches and creating a world built around our own.  I thought it was well done, and I'd recommend people to read it as long as they don't mind slightly gushy love scenes.  The only downside is I thought the violence in the book was down-played.  It was offset by Penelope's comic humor, which I actually really liked, but somehow made the situations seem less dire.


Anyway, that's the weekend for you.  Hope you guys have a wonderful week.

Those Books that Make You Hate Life

It's been awhile since I've read a really depressing book, one that makes me curl into a ball and sob.  I don't know why we do these things to ourselves, but it seems depressing books are extremely popular.  They make us feel something, and most importantly, they remind us that we are human.  And, you know, that our lives are not as horrible as we think they are.  I mean, it's not like you're hallucinating all of your cousins because you're too messed up to admit you basically killed them years ago (yes, I'm talking to you, We Were Liars).  So yeah, depressing books make our lives look better.


As I begin to brace myself to read All the Bright Places, I've decided to rank the top 10 tear-worthy books I've read in the past few years.  Brace yourselves:


10. Hate List by Jennifer Brown:  Though I read this book a long time ago, I still get pretty messed up thinking about it.  For anyone who's been living under a rock since 2009, this book is about a girl who's dealing with the aftereffects of her boyfriend shooting up the school and then killing himself.  She's ostracized and reeling, trying to cope with the fact that she helped create the hit list he used, and man, do the emotions hit you.  Any book that deals with a school shooting makes me cringe and tear up inside, whether it's well-written or not.  This one happens to be from a unique perspective of messed-up, and so yes, I cried.


9. The Last Guardian by Eoin Colfer:  Okay, yes, this is an Artemis Fowl book, and most people didn't get that emotional over what I considered a heart-breaking, world-shattering ending that was as depressing as it was bittersweet.  But seriously, that ending made me hate life for a good two weeks, and don't even get me started on the whole cloned-but-has-no-memories thing at the end.  I was not ready for such sacrifice from such a villain.  Gah.


8. Take Back the Skies by Lucy Saxon:  Because, if the award would go to the most depressing death scene that made me hate life when she got married to another man, it'd go to this book.  I still can't even talk about it.  The book itself was pretty good, but that death scene, although called for and clearly seen coming, hit me too hard.  And the wedding scene in the epilogue makes me want to claw the girl's eyes out.  Not that I don't support the act of moving on after someone you love dies... I just resent that it was to such a noodle...


7. Rogue by Gina Damico:  This is the last book in Damico's Croak series, and the ending sent me reeling into some weird book depression for weeks.  I couldn't even look at a new book for awhile after I finished this.  I mean, seriously, the death scenes and the sacrifice and the oblivion and the light at the end of the blackness and the other death scene and the suicide-after-putting-the-affairs-in-order-to-be-with-the-one-I-love...  Okay, not really suicide.  But to give up your soul for that, man.  That's some serious commitment.


6. The Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray: This is the reason I went through a tree-loving phase.  Live on, my true love in a tree, live on...


5. So Silver Bright by Lisa Mantchev: The conclusion of the Theatre Illuminata series, this book crushed my hopes in dreams but also kind of gave me a new outlook on life.  I still find myself missing Ariel, whether he was real or not, whether he WANTED to be released or NOT...  I'm okay.


4. The List by Siobhan Vivian: This book is the true cattiness of high school girls at its finest.  Covering everything from image issues to eating disorders, this book takes a harsh look at the detriments of being pointed out as both attractive and hideous.  Expectations lead to horrible consequences, and one point of view can overtake all the others when no one dares to speak up.  Seriously, when I first finished this book, I sat there thinking, "Nothing happened, but I feel horrible."  Then I realized that the book represented a truth: things don't always get resolved in life.  Sometimes things get worse and don't get better, and that's clearly what this book represented in a high school setting.


3. Allegiant by Veronica Roth: Because even though my love lived on, I was not okay.  My favorite character died, some of my not so favorite characters died, a VERY IMPORTANT character died... Like, seriously, what the heck?  For months after reading this book, I would start crying when someone brought it up.  I'd get very emotional, and it lasted much too long... MUCH too long.  I'm still not completely over it.  I expect all my favorite characters to die gruesome, pointless deaths now.  That emotional scarring, though.
2. We Were Liars by E. Lockhart: I mean, dude. Other than the whole, EVERYONE DIED thing... this book was just one upbeat moment after another.  Sarcasm.  I can't handle... My mom walked in on my post-WWL and watched as I cried on my bed.  I was an emotional wreck for the rest of the day, and I still feel like crying when I think about the dysfunction in this family.  Seriously, I don't care if my child is an emotional wreck or keeps forgetting, I feel like it's important to tell her about CERTAIN people's deaths before she goes back to the island and starts hallucinating.  Just saying.


ANNNNNND THE WINNER IS.........


1. Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor: So technically this book didn't end in a horribly depressing ending, but it was SO bittersweet and SO beautiful that I still don't really know how to feel.  Taylor's writing style makes me feel for her characters and live in her world, so I cried over and over again for Akiva and Karou's dream.  I mean, any book that begins with "Once upon a time..." really deserves some credit, but when that is followed by angels and devils and love and the end of the world and lots and lots of deaths, it can only be brilliant.  I absolutely LOVE this book.  But that ending, though.  I still don't want to talk about it.




Runners Up Include But Are Not Limited To:
The Vanishing Game by Kate Kae Myers
The Fall of Five by Pittacus Lore
Sever by Lauren DeStefano
Strange and Ever After by Susan Dennard
Girl of Nightmares by Kendare Blake
and of course,
The Blood of Olympus by Rick Riordan, for simply existing at all and ending my childhood.


Obviously, I don't get the feels for many of those books out there for teen girls that are meant to break your heart.  But that doesn't stop the fact that I love books.  And those books that make me cry, even if they're not traditional tear-jerkers, break my heart just the same.

One of the Things I Can't Forget

Miranda Kenneally.  She's not for everyone.  Her books are good at addressing subjects that make some people feel uncomfortable.  They're pretty real, and even if the relationships in them are paced quickly, you can tell that she captures the feelings quite well.  I always feel something when I read one of her books.


Soooo admission: Of her Hundred Oaks series, I read books 1, 2, and 4.  I don't know why I didn't read lucky #3, but I never got around to it.  So last night, I finally decided I needed to buy this book, and Ohmygravy it was worth it.

Things I Can't Forget by Miranda Kenneally is about a girl named Kate.  She's reeling because of a huge decision she played a part in, and the regret she feels for doing something that strongly contradicts what she sees as her faith is astoundingly real.  Then she goes to work at church camp, where she meets Matt, the adorable literature major who was her first kiss when she was eleven.  The camp itself is known for giving out signs from God, and she's desperate to have him tell her there's a way for her to be forgiven.


This is a story about faith.  Kate, who has always been made fun of for her abundant eagerness to do everything exactly as she learned it in church, is at a breaking point, where she has to figure out that faith is a very personal thing and no one worships God the exact same way.


The story itself is not the perfect story.  It's clearly not going to be for everyone, and some of the scenes are cheesy in a cute way.  But it is for anyone who is struggling to reconcile their beliefs (whether religious or not) with those of others.  The heartbreak this girl feels over trying to decide where she truly wants to stand really hit me.


Also, Matt.  We can't leave out such an integral part of the story.  Early on, we learn that Matt was picked on a lot as a child, made fun of for playing guitar and writing his own music.  At camp, when he was 13 and she was 11, he was asking for something to give him a reason to live.  Then little Kate came along and asked him to play for her, and that basically shaped how his life ended up. With characters from the others books thrown into the novel, it really showed how people's beliefs shape who they are and how they interact with others.


I was oddly connected to this book.  Not for the writing, though the light way Kenneally pushes these issues definitely helps more people to connect.  Not for the characters, though Kate and Matt are good for each other.  I connected to the message.


And even if it was a little cheesy, it's still one of the Things I Can't Forget.

Where I Fall Down Waiting For a Book

I could start this by ranting about a book I've read before, but all I can think about right now is the book that comes out Tuesday.


All Fall Down by Ally Carter.  I pre-ordered it awhile ago, so I'm obviously not getting it ON Tuesday, but I will be eagerly awaiting it.


Ally Carter is one of my favorite authors.  Her Gallagher Girls series made me wish I was some genius who'd aced those stupid state tests growing up.  I mean, Liz was my hero, one klutzy girl to another.  I didn't necessarily want to be a spy, with all the torture and incredible action scenes, but working the research track would've made my life complete.  Then, she went and wrote the Heist Society series, and I fell in love with the other side of the law.  White collar crimes are so impressive when they're done correctly.


And the GUYS.  The guy characters in her books make me swoon just thinking about them.  I can't even... Gosh I think I just fainted. Or started crying.  I'm not sure which is more pathetic...  Hale and Zach are life.


Anywaaaaaaaay, All Fall Down is the first book in her new Embassy Row series, and while I have grown older than all her characters, I don't think that's ever a reason to stop reading.  I haven't read it yet (I never like reading things early, even ARCs, because I feel like I'm cheating, which I'm well aware is stupid), so I'm carefully avoiding all spoilers.  I'm so excited for this book, and I'm especially excited for this series.  Ally Carter says Grace is her favorite character she's ever written, and that simply excites me more than anyone could know.
A synopsis can be found here.


I can't wait to love this book as much as I love everything Ally Carter writes. 


Manda, out.

Where I Confess My Addiction

So I should start by saying this is not going to be a blog about failed relationships.  I don't have any, I probably won't for awhile, and if you're hoping for that kind of drama, I could recommend some other outlets for you.


Hi. My name is Amanda and I am a book addict.


I read.  A lot.  More than is probably healthy.  That's what this blog will be about.  I'll let y'all know what I'm reading, what I'd recommend, and what I thought of this or that.


Soooo yeah.  My mother is tired of me calling her from college, crying and ranting about what this character did to that, as if I were betrayed by my best friend.  Pam, my friend, whose blog you will find under Last Cup, I Promise (she's horribly addicted to coffee; and yes, I did just hopelessly push my friend's blog.  She's sitting beside me, and I feel it is necessary), insisted on a new outlet beside her, and HERE I AM WORLD.


So welcome. Please let me know your opinions about any books I talk about, and feel free to insist that I am horribly biased (because, honestly, I am).  Also, feel free to rant about your own fictional relationships, because I'm sure all of our friends and family are getting pretty tired of us by now.


I'll talk to y'all soon.